Welcome back to The Good Life, a newsletter about navigating our modern culture and staying sane in the process. This week, we are discussing marriage. As a society, the way we speak about marriage is all wrong. And I hope that we can change that for future generations.
One Line In The Speech Caused This
I was the maid of honor at a wedding over the weekend, which made me responsible for giving the speech at the reception. One would think that this would be easy for someone like me who writes for a living, but honestly, I had some anxiety about it. My good friend and mentor used to joke all the time about how everyone hates the maid-of-honor speech, and the best man’s is always better. So I wanted to prove him wrong with mine, plus it was for my last single sister. There was a lot of pressure to ensure that she felt wrapped in love with my words, especially knowing that I was effectively speaking for all my sisters.
In that regard, I did well. My husband was beaming with pride when I finished. My family all complimented me, and the same went for the groom’s side. It was a certified hit. Still, I can’t quit going over the words I said to everyone, and what I wish I said differently.
There is one part that keeps holding me up.
“Marriage isn’t easy. On a daily basis, you have to wake up with the mentality that it’s y’all against the world. Never let the stress of work or the pressure of our modern world divide you. And while this won’t be easy, marriage is the greatest grace God has given two people because from now on, y’all are not fighting this battle alone.”
In its totality, the sentiment is what I wanted to say. That God brought y’all two together to battle life as one, and this is a blessing. It’s really just the opening line that I wish I had said differently.
If I had a do-over, I wish I had told my sister and her new husband (as well as the several single people in attendance) that it’s not marriage that is hard, it’s life. Marriage is the easy part. You are no longer alone. If you picked correctly, God has just paired you with your perfect battle buddy to fight all the challenges you would have otherwise faced alone.
Because it’s genuinely not the marriage part that is hard. You are never alone. You get to go on fun adventures with a built-in best friend who tells you that you are beautiful and makes sure you have all your favorite snacks. You never have to be sick by yourself anymore; the experience is a shared one. When you’ve had a long day or a fun day, your husband is there to either be the sunshine or the extra icing on the cake.
Being married is my favorite thing about life. In fact, outside of motherhood, which is an entirely different topic, being married to my husband is what taught me most about myself and how much I am capable of loving others more than myself. I was joking with one of my other sisters about this, saying that even when I am mad (like steaming hot, red in the face mad) at my husband about something, and I try to imagine what my life would be like without him around, I know I wouldn’t last an hour without asking him to come back.
I crave his smile, his gentleness when he holds my hand, and his ability to make all of my stress fade away with just his touch. This doesn’t mean he is perfect, or that I don’t get mad at him, or that I don’t do anything that annoys him. It’s just that being married to him is the greatest emotional regulator I could have ever wished for.
This is what I wanted to convey to the newlyweds and singles out there. That marriage isn’t hard work, and our society needs to stop telling people that (me included). If you choose incorrectly, it makes it feel like it’s the covenant between you and your husband that is the burden. When in reality, it’s the outside forces that you battle together that are difficult. That’s why finding someone who will fight the modern world with you is so important.
In true “Mary-fashion,” I couldn’t let the feeling, like I had led so many astray, so I tried to convey this thought throughout the rest of the night and into the next day to anyone I could find. I needed them to know the truth. And now I suppose I am telling y’all for the same reason. It’s funny how one little line can cause such a ripple effect.
WHAT I SAW THIS WEEK:
I have been out for a whole week. It has been years since I took an actual break from work. Most of the time I take an absence, it’s because I have something I need to do for the family, and even then, I try to sprinkle in a piece or two to keep the machine running. However, over the last week, I barely opened my emails, internal messages, or social media. With that in mind, what I saw over the last seven days is our girls ordering more mango smoothies than I thought humanly possible to consume. I saw deep belly laughter that brought us to tears, sunburned cheeks, the waves knocking us down while trying to get a family photo, and lots and lots of smiling.
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