How To Politely Nuke Thanksgiving Liberals
However, before I discuss the best strategies for dealing with Uncle Randall or the purple-haired niece who uses “they/them” pronouns, I want to first share an anecdote.
Welcome back to Mr. Right, a newsletter about navigating modern manhood for normal guys in a not-normal world. We want to preemptively wish you and your family a Happy Thanksgiving. This week, we discuss how to handle liberal Uncle Randall, who’s had too much to drink at the Thanksgiving gathering, and whether you should subject a girlfriend to a trial by fire.
How To Politely Nuke Thanksgiving Liberals
It’s that time of year … again.
Thanksgiving is almost upon us, which means, at some point, you are likely to share a hearty meal with someone who disagrees with you on politics. Perhaps a liberal cousin or niece who is back home from their first semester at college. Or Uncle Randall, the hardcore, religious viewer of MSNBC, who might as well have a Ukrainian flag tattooed on his forearm.
The more glasses of wine are poured and the more light beers are crushed, the higher the chance there will be a political argument. You must be prepared, but you also must keep your wits about you. You do not want to get dragged into an Iraq War-level quagmire at the dinner table.
However, before I discuss the best strategies for dealing with Uncle Randall or the purple-haired niece who uses “they/them” pronouns, I want to first share an anecdote.
A couple of Thanksgivings ago (at the beginning of the Biden era, mind you, when conservatives were feeling pretty froggy), I had the unpleasant experience of drinking too much and stirring up some political drama.
The details are hazy, but if I recall correctly, I blurted out a few colorful, racy jokes about the Kyle Rittenhouse trial, Nancy Pelosi, and Bill and Hillary Clinton’s ties to pedophile Jeffrey Epstein. Although they got some chuckles out of my sister and brother-in-law (and looking back, I seriously doubt they were that funny; we had all had a lot of wine), they also upset some in-law family members. Admittedly, my jokes kinda, sorta, ruined the night.
I awoke on Black Friday filled with regret, yet torn. Did I say something too provocative? Were those offended actually that upset, or was their anger largely driven by a high consumption of alcohol? But at the same time, I was stubborn. I am an American, damn it. The spirit of the First Amendment protects my right to make inappropriate jokes at Thanksgiving dinner. If you cannot handle the heat, best not be mucking around my kitchen of hot-take humor.
Ultimately, though, my takeaway from the booze-soaked saga was that I was in the wrong for provoking. I was trying to make things too edgy. I was trying to get a laugh out of half the room, not the whole room. I was the one who shot Archduke Franz Ferdinand and triggered the fruitless war.
So, if not this way, then which way? What is the best strategy for fending off a Thanksgiving political brawl and keeping the holiday peace?
Peace through strength, and no preemptive airstrikes. Don’t start a war; just be able to finish one.
However, if you do end up ensnared in a heated political debate, and someone like Uncle Randall keeps goading you on, it’s best to keep every response from your end as light as possible. Don’t get too serious. A well-timed joke or witty remark will cut through a drunken and verbose argument like a scythe through grass.
And sometimes, strategic silence is best. Let Uncle Randall hang himself with his own words. If you’re feeling devious, offer to grab him another drink. Keep the drinks flowing, and before long, he will turn into the drunken persona non grata of the holiday feast, and you will have not fired off a single political shot.
Of course, you never hope it comes to this. As they say, no politics and religion at the dinner table. Just lots of turkey and talk of traffic patterns and the Detroit Lions.
Dear Mr. Right:
Dear Mr. Right,
I have a new girlfriend, and we’ve been dating for a few months now. Her family lives on the East Coast, and she doesn’t want to fly all the way back. I’m planning on inviting her, but I’m still not sure. She’s an only child, and she’s very shy. I also have three very loud sisters, and I’m worried they will gang up on her and make her feel uncomfortable. What do you think I should do? I feel like I have to invite her.
- Ezra from Oregon
Dear Ezra,
Yes. Invite her. Bring her into the fold. Let her face a trial by fire.
Normally, I would suggest you not invite her if she were able to join her own family back East. I think it’s good and normal for people who are dating to spend holidays apart from each other. But if she has no other option, you absolutely cannot leave her alone.
As for your sister, don’t be afraid to tell them that they need to be on their best behavior. No bullying. No weird comments.
If you really love this girl, and she really loves you, this is a necessary step in figuring out if you two have what it takes to make it in the long run. If she hates your family, unfortunately, that can be a major spoiler.
Don’t let your sisters ruin the evening. Drop your foot down immediately, and make sure they don’t drink too much and get crazy or political.
Your girlfriend will be just fine. It will be good for both of you.
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