Welcome back to Good Life, a newsletter about navigating our modern culture and staying sane in the process. This week, we’ll talk about a new tradition that my family has started.
Enjoying this newsletter? Share it with your friends and family! And if you’re one of those friends or family members, you can sign up to get your own copy every week right here.
Traditions are a funny thing. Every family has them. Some are the same, like celebrating Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, Independence Day. Those traditions are the ones that bind communities together. They make our nation part of a shared culture where time almost stops on those days because we know that everywhere around the country families just like us are decorating the tree or shooting off fireworks. Of course, these celebrations include special foods and moments that differ from the rest, but the holiday’s basic outline is the same for everyone.
But other traditions outside America’s shared culture begin to form within your family before you even realize it. You wake up one day and realize this is how your family celebrates good news or mourns a loss. No one held a family meeting or had a formal discussion about it, but it somehow became the norm. Today I became aware that a tradition that started later in life with my sisters has now been passed down to my daughters.
Every year on September 1, my sisters and I watch Gilmore Girls from start to finish. I’m not even sure how this all started because, to my knowledge, we never watched the show when it aired. This is something that started well after I had children. One fall season, we all just turned it on. None of us lived near each other then, so we texted about the episode we were on. We would debate which of Rory’s boyfriends she should have ended up with and which Gilmore woman was the “good” one.
The answer is probably none of them, but if I had to choose, it would be Emily. At first, I would have said Lorelai, and there was even a brief time I thought it was Rory. But the more I watch the show, the clearer it becomes that Emily, despite her obvious flaws, wanted what was best for the family. Her loyalty to them and her devotion to Richard make her the winner.
It’s been a pretty busy month for me with work and the girls’ school activities, so I am only on Season 2 of 7. Well, 8 if you count the later years, which we do.
Watching this show is more than just a fun pastime. It is something that, no matter what is happening in our lives at the time, we have something to escape to together. We have our own little world within our lives, just for us. Last year, I needed Gilmore Girls so badly. Our little tradition was coming up right after my husband had survived a heart attack. It was the scariest moment of my life, and I needed our special show to comfort me. I didn’t have to talk about doctor’s appointments or the constant fear I was feeling. I could settle into Stars Hollow with my sisters and enjoy the coffee-obsessed women who bound us together despite our physical distance.
I never thought I would have this with anyone else. At least not this deeply. But it’s slowly but surely happening with my daughters, with the most unlikely of shows.
Because the age difference between my daughters is so great, it can be hard to find entertainment that fits everyone’s appetites. Often, someone in the room settles for what the others want to keep the peace. I try to keep it pretty even by letting each girl pick a movie on a rotating schedule so that no daughter feels put out. Then my dad called to recommend that I watch a show with the girls. I love him, but when I was growing up, his idea of appropriate movies was The Outlaw Josey Wales and Big Trouble in Little China. These aren’t exactly kid-friendly. But he was insistent. And if you have ever met my dad, you know that if he gets his mind set on something he thinks you should be doing, he will not let up until you finally give in. He came over to my house one Sunday and just put on the show.
“I promise if you don’t like it, you don’t have to watch it, but just give one episode a chance.”
I didn’t know at the time that his persistence would turn into something so much more. My daughters and I love romance, but we also love mystery and action. Still, never in my wildest imagination would I have thought that a show completely in subtitles would captivate us as this one has. My nine-year-old is squealing and happily reading the screen as we watch the main characters develop. We’ve started saying little inside jokes that only the five of us would understand. We discuss the characters with the same tenacity my sisters and I bring to Gilmore Girls. It made us laugh and cry. We’ve been angry and felt a deep sense of longing for justice. And it’s just our own.
They are getting older. My second turns 13 this Saturday. Life won’t always be easy for us. We’ll have moments when distance forces us apart. Still, I know that no matter where we are in the world, I could suggest that we travel to Xigu Alley, and they’ll meet me there. I’m not even sure if this seems trivial to anyone else, but it’s given me so much peace of mind. As the girls grow, I know that they will carry on the faith and legacy that my husband and I have taught them. I know they hold these dear to their hearts, and we will always be bonded in that way. But I also want them to grow up knowing that I enjoyed their company so much that these moments of watching this show together have meant so much to me. We have a secret connection that is just for us.
Traditions are the experiences that bind families together forever. They don’t always look, smell, or taste the same. And I’ve found myself in one with my daughters by complete accident.
Heard It Through The Grapevine:
Amber Duke writes about the Sydney Sweeney sports ad controversy. I personally hated the ad because of its hyper-sexual nature. It was graphic and frankly quite stupid. However, Amber is right that her naked body wasn’t even the worst part. SEX ISN’T WHAT’S RUINING SPORTS
While you are at it, if you haven’t checked out her piece on Big Tech and H-1B visa holders, it’s about time you do. And I know it probably seems like I’m a little obsessed with the topic right now, which is probably fair. However, I live in Texas, and the effects are inescapable. WILL AMERICA FIRST APPLY TO BIG TECH?
Like what you’re reading? If so, please consider upgrading to a paid State of the Day subscription or sharing this with a friend. You’d be supporting this newsletter and helping keep independent journalism alive.
If you are already a paid subscriber, make sure to join the conversation in our subscribers-only chat below.
