Greetings, Dear Reader,
I’m realizing I’ve left you all in the dark.
My wife is due any day now. Specifically next Tuesday, but if you’re parents, you know that means any day.
I’m expecting to be out for two weeks, but I might still make time during baby/mama naptime to write in to y’all.
A couple years ago, before the birth of my son, I wrote a SOTD about fathers, specifically what they owe their families. It went out over email and as was our infrastructure at the time, if you didn’t get it, it appeared nowhere else.
Well, I’m rerunning it today.
A FATHER’S DEBT
This was originally sent to our subscribers Sept. 18, 2024, five days before my son was born.
I had been thinking deeply about what a father owes his family. Those thoughts became quite acute after I realized I would be having a son.
Curious about your thoughts, Dear Reader, so sound off in the comments or in emails to me.
Best,
Geoff
Survive:
There is nothing more worthless than dead. If you are a dad, don’t be dead.
Obviously there are things we cannot help, tragedies, accidents, etc. Barring those, in order to be a good dad, you need to be alive. At this point, you probably think I’m joking, and I am to an extent, but what I mean by this is that taking care of yourself is taking care of your family.
Among the things I find perplexing in this country, and there are many, is the general apathy for the mental and general wellbeing of dads and men. No, lol, I don’t expect anyone to go out and start a 501c3 dedicated to helping 40-year-old guys, that’s absurd. I also don’t expect society to declare September international dads awareness day, that is also absurd.
(Leave dad alone in September, that’s when football starts.)
What I mean more specifically, is among the dads themselves. Every time I see a 300+ pound dad, I’m not just disgusted, I’m disappointed. When did this become acceptable? Put the meatball sub down, man.
As a dad, you need to take care of yourself. You need to train for the worst. You need strength, and not just physical strength, strength of mind and character. How can you stand for anything if a flight up the stairs makes you wheeze? How can you instill discipline if every slice of pizza is an Odyssean Siren?
You need to be able to run a mile. You need to be able to carry something moderately heavy for an indeterminate amount of time. You should, in America, own and know how to shoot a gun. You need to learn to say no, and not just to others, but yourself.
I had kids late, near 40. Do the math and I’ll be 70ish by the time they’re all capable. I need mental and physical fortitude. I need to be capable, vicious even, until then.
No way to do that if I die due to bad habits aggregating in my bones.
Provide
Dads who don’t provide aren’t dads. They’re leeches. What’s more, they promulgate little ones who themselves, on the father’s example, become leeches.
When I say provide, I mean a number of things.
In this day and age, first and foremost dads must provide means. Money, in other words. Dads must be employed. I don’t care if your wife is an Instagram influencer (first of all, why’d you even marry her?). Get a job. If not, you are at best a confusing mom, at worst you are just an au pair with a penis attached.
Security. This goes back to #1. You need to provide security. That means not being limp-wristed. Stop spending money on urban scooters and just walk. Or run. Learn how to fight. Yes, I’m serious, literally go to classes. Spar other full-grown men. You need to fight to learn how to fight. If you can’t defend yourself, you can’t defend your family.
Purchase a firearm. Learn how to shoot and maintain a gun. Also learn how to fix things. Replace your own sink at least once. You don’t have to take apart a car engine, but replace a headlight or two.
Finally, provide a steadfast and positive example of masculinity. Your sons will model themselves after it and just as importantly, your daughters will seek it out in a mate. Your wife will be happy even as she sometimes wishes you wouldn’t embarrass her in a country club parking lot because the parking attendant who caught you illegally parking wouldn’t take her apology not once but twice and now you’re absolutely berating a complete stranger.
But I digress.
Security isn’t constant demonstrations of capability, but rather the known potential that capability can be, at any given time, demonstrated.
So in short: Means, security and an example. Provide all of those.
Thrive
This is among the hardest to achieve, but given the aggregate nature of life and habits, it’s perfectly achievable.
Thriving doesn’t mean you have to be Elon Musk. That’s insane. Also, the jury’s out on whether that guy is actually a good dad.
Wherever you go, whatever you do, growth should follow. Not immediately, but over time, you should demonstrate the capacity to thrive under basically any kind of obstacle. It’s as old an obligation as nature itself.
Thriving can be maintaining an optimistic attitude. It can be failing three times and succeeding the fourth. It can even be the proverbial corporate ladder and climbing that sh*t. Become bigger (but figuratively, chaps) as time passes.
Thriving is also being satisfied when enough is enough. My uncle for years was a highly paid economist at a major company. Now he teaches math at a local high school and loves it. I mean the guy truly loves it. He thrived then, he’s thriving now.
So is his family.
You owe it to them to take the hits and keep on ticking. Thrive in all things.
MORE LINKS
ROOKE: Anti-Vance Crew Turn To The Worst Possible Allies To Influence The MAGA Base
Interesting analysis from Mary.
—
ROOKE: Trump’s Joke Sprung A Trap For Media
And here’s some more.
—
Debtor Nation: More Americans Going Into Debt Just To Buy Food
Men, don’t willingly go into debt.
Like what you’re reading? If so, please consider subscribing to State of the Day or sharing this with a friend. You’d be supporting this newsletter and helping keep independent journalism alive.
If you are already a paid subscriber, make sure to join the conversation in our subscribers-only chat below.
Geof,
Liked your take on fatherhood. But, think you missed a very important part of the equation, building relationships with your family. Dad's need to take the family on vacation. Nothing like spending 5-8 hours on the road to be able to get to know the kids and wife better. You'll have to put up with "how much longer", but it's worth it in the long run. Then there's kid's sports. And, I don't mean just dropping the kids off for practice and games but being involved as coach or a fan. It's good for the kids and you get to meet and build friendships with other parents. If sports aren't your thing, there are other activities like scouting or theater. Bottom line, kids and their parents need to be involved in activities together. Key word here is together.