Welcome back to Good Life, a newsletter about navigating our modern culture and staying sane in the process. This week, we discuss how important it is for parents to teach their children to build lasting bonds with one another. We won’t always be there for them.
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Stop Hitting Your Sister!
A common mistake I see parents make when raising their children is not actively ensuring their children form lasting bonds with one another. Everything we do as parents tells us that if we want a certain outcome, we have to intentionally teach our children how to get there. So why not do the same with the siblings’ relationships?
My best friends in life are my sisters, and without them, my life would feel a bit empty. That’s not to say that I don’t love my husband and my children. I think if you’ve ever read any of my previous newsletters, you’d know that they are the driving force behind my life. Everything I do is through the lens of how to make their lives more fulfilled.
Before them, there were my sisters.
Last Friday, two of my sisters and I got together for a girls’ night. Our husbands were responsible for the kids’ schedule while we went out for a long dinner and the movies. With everything going on in our lives, it’s hard to find time to hang out with just girls.
But it’s in these moments that I am reminded of how special our relationships are with one another. We talk every day already, but there wasn’t a single moment of silence at dinner. We talked about our husbands, the kids, and what we want for the future. The only time we weren’t gib-gabbing about our lives was the hour and 45 minutes we were forced to shut up during the movie. Afterwards, we sat together in the car for two hours, continuing to laugh and gab.
Our husbands were calling and texting, asking what we were doing. Not in an annoying way. It’s kinda endearing because we always joke that they wish they were one of the sisters. They love hearing the juicy conversations, even if they pretend to be disinterested. My husband has told me on multiple occasions how special our relationship is and how he wants that for our girls.
And, honestly, I know our girls are close. But I guess I didn’t realize how far my plan had come along until two moments this past week hit me in the face.
On Saturday, I took my oldest daughter and her friend to get their nails done. They had a big party to go to, and we thought it would be a fun way to prepare for the event. For the most part, the two girls sat on the opposite side of the nail salon, so I didn’t really get a chance to hear any of their conversation. However, on the drive home, I sat in silence listening to them discuss family, school, and life.
“I think God gave me the best little sisters in the whole world. Sometimes I wish I had an older sister to talk to, but then I think to myself how lucky I am that I get to be that for them, and it makes me really happy,” my daughter said to her friend, who is the youngest of 6 siblings, all of them brothers.
Before her friend had a chance to really respond, my daughter continued.
“Like, last week, my little sister packed my backpack for school. She took one of my notebooks and wrote me a note saying she loved me, and asked me to write her a story. She’s so cute for doing that. Really makes me happy that they love hearing my made-up stories!” she said.
I tried not to show any reaction on my face, exposing how much that melted my heart. It’s exactly what I wanted to hear, but I wanted her to feel like they were in the car alone. So I looked straight ahead, focusing on the road like I was driving through a rainstorm, hoping she’d continue.
The conversation quickly shifted to the latest books they were reading. That moment was over, but the impression it left is going to be forever in my heart. Not only is she comfortable enough telling her teenage friends how much she loves her sisters, but secretly, her little sisters clearly feel the same way.
In fact, at my second oldest’s basketball game Monday, I had another moment realizing how lucky I am. I always run the scoreboard for home games. Not only does it allow me to fulfill my school service hours, but it also gives me an escape from sitting with the other parents. I want to make sure that this last comment doesn’t get taken the wrong way. I love the parents at our girls’ school. They are lovely and kind, but I prefer to sit by myself at the games because I tend to say things under my breath in the heat of the moment and would rather keep those comments private.
However, on Monday, I overheard a conversation about one of the girls needing to be more aggressive. The mother, innocently, said she should fight for the ball, like she fights with her sister. It was a gut punch. Not only would I hate for this comment to be true about my girls, even if it were, I would never want this information about the disconnect between siblings out in the world.
And the comment was truly innocent, but it speaks to how parents have made it normal for siblings not to get along. We shouldn’t be laughing about our children fighting with each other. Instead, we should promote moments that bind them together.
There is nothing that would make my life happier than if my girls grow up to be best friends with one another. You need people in your life who are not your parents but know you as deeply as they do. You need those people to go to when times are hard or when life is so full of blessings you need to tell someone. I won’t be there for them forever, and so I am working now to set up my natural replacement.
My sisters are that for me. They are my best friends and closest confidants. They can tell how I am feeling before I even say a word because our connection is strong. We have been through every event life has to offer, by each other’s sides. It’s a unique blessing and one I could never take for granted.
Our children were taught this through example and purpose. I tell them all the time how much I love my sisters. I explain to them how blessed they are to have each other and how they can never lose the bond they share. But I also show them the way I love my sisters. I am there for them and their children. I speak positively about them when they aren’t around. Doing this helps solidify in their minds how to build relationships with each other that will hopefully bless them throughout their lives.
It’s a mistake for parents to leave this to chance.
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